OKEECHOBEE — Depression can affect anyone, of any age, any race, male or female, at any time. Many contributed to this story, but out of respect for their daily lives, their real names will not be used.
Katy was only 5 years old the first time she ever tried to kill herself. She remembers hiding under the dining room table with a steak knife trying to slash her wrists. She does not remember why or how she even knew to do such a thing. She said possibly she saw it on television. At 14, she tried again, this time by taking a handful of pills. She said nothing happened except she fell asleep. Katy said she never felt like she fit in anywhere and always thought she was too fat, too ugly, too clutsy to make any real friends. Around this same time, she began experimenting with drugs in an attempt to make herself happy. Sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn’t. She also began drinking. Her manager at the restaurant where she worked thought it was fun to buy alcohol for the teens who worked nights. He also thought it was funny to tell a 14-year-old child to come sit on his lap. At 17, she joined the military, despite being overweight and not even remotely athletic. She again took pills to try to get away from the pain she was feeling. However, she had the same result and only fell asleep. She never tried again but said she thought about it day and night for many years. She was diagnosed in her 20s with manic depression, now called bipolar disorder. She was given antidepressants which made her feel even worse. Eventually, she stopped taking them. She was married with children by then and forced herself to carry on for their sake. Though she said she slept too much and was a terrible mother. At some point, she said she realized she was no longer depressed. She credits God with healing her.
Sarah and her husband were married for more than 50 years when he passed away. Sarah said she has fought depression for the last 10 years since he died. She never used antidepressants but instead finds healing as she reaches out and helps others. She loves children and often helps friends when they need childcare. Helping others helped her, she explained.
Chloe is 19. She has been fighting depression for most of her teen years. She said she began to realize she was just spending her days trying to please others rather than herself. She was always the good child while her brothers caused trouble for her parents. She explained she is a perfectionist and is very hard on herself. She expects perfection and when she can’t be perfect, it is devastating to her. She added that her mom is also a perfectionist and was often hard on her when she was growing up. Between her own feelings of inadequacy and her mother’s expectations, she never feels good enough. She said she has always hidden things from her parents that she thought might upset them. Coming from a Christian family, she found her biggest secret almost impossible to share but finally opened up to her parents and told them she was gay. Though they do not agree with this lifestyle, they love her and the family has become closer now that she does not feel the need to hide her biggest secret. Chloe feels the chronic pain she suffers also contributes to her depression. No matter what the doctors try, it never seems to help. She is in pain every day of her life. As an adult, she had to leave her pediatrician and find a doctor for adults. She found Brooke Maveroides at Dr. Syed’s office and said it was such a relief to finally have what she was feeling taken seriously. She feels validated. Brooke and Dr. Syed have not taken any short cuts and are still trying to find out what is going on with her body. Chloe is on several medications, which her mother was advised to keep locked up for Chloe’s safety. Chloe does not hesitate to say she does not trust herself around medications and would probably try to kill herself if they were available to her. Baker Acted once and admitted another time by her own hand, Chloe said she did not feel like these hospitalizations helped at all. She sees a therapist regularly and said this has probably helped her most of all.
Susan is in her 80s and has fought depression and anxiety most of her life. Sometimes, she had to leave a store because her hands shook and she could not stay there. She sometimes has to miss family gatherings because of a fear of too many people, even though the people are all her family and she loves them all. She has been on medication for about 60 years. Some work better than others, but she has never been able to function without them.
Kara is only 12 years old and said she is struggling with depression. She worries about making friends and said she does not know how. She said when she meets other girls her age, they do not share her interests and they find her strange, different. She has experienced bullying by some of the girls she has gone to school with for years. After years of being in the same classroom, they suddenly decided they did not like her anymore and made her the butt of their cruel jokes. Kara has a strong family support system and, she is also seeing a counselor. She said, she is hopeful that she will be OK.
Depression has many different causes and many different solutions. Everyone interviewed said don’t give up. Keep searching until you find what you need. Some find they need medication for a short time, and some need it for life. Some find counselling helpful, and some find it terrifying and anxiety producing. “Do what works for you,” said Chloe. “Keep looking until you find that something, and don’t let anyone put you down for your struggle,” said Katy.
